Does our marriage have to end because one of us had an affair?
It's not affairs that break up marriages: It's the unfaithful spouse's inability to be honest about what happened and leave the affair behind them, says Caroline Madden, a Burbank, California-based marriage therapist who specializes in affair recovery.
“When I see couples divorce after an affair, it's not usually because of the infidelity itself: The betrayed spouse simply gave up trying when their husband or wife continued to be selfish, shady, and untrustworthy,” said Madden, the author of Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband?
If you're the partner who cheated, how do you prove to your spouse that you're committing to regaining their trust?
Click on the link to read more. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/if-you-want-to-save-your-marriage-after-an-affair-read-this_us_5639499ce4b0411d306ece45
"I don't want a divorce, but I don't know what to do."
We are separated and my spouse wants a divorce.
In your marriage there may have been a moment in time or a specific reason why the love you once had for your spouse deteriorated to the point where your spouse is now asking for a divorce.
You now find yourselves on the edge of divorce when there is little to no intimacy or spiritual connectedness in your marriage any longer.
Great communication skills and rekindling your commitment to one another can help you overcome these issues in your marriage. Unfortunately, there may come a time when your spouse already has one foot out the door. When this is happening how can you save your marriage?
When a crisis hits, you often find yourself backed into a corner, in fear, and feeling like you have no options.
At no point should you belittle, threaten, ridicule, or manipulate your spouse into changing their mind. What you can do is decide on how you will react. You may not be able to control the situation or your spouse, but you do have control over your words and actions.
This is your opportunity to look at the person you see in the mirror and step up to the plate as you take accountability for your actions and feelings.
You have two choices at the moment your spouse wants a divorce. You can choose to be angry as you wallow in self-pity or you can choose to love your spouse.
There will come a time when an open dialog with your spouse will be available to both of you. It is during this time that the two of you discuss the possible divorce and all that comes with it.
Do you both realize the toll, both mentally and physically, a divorce entails? Does your spouse understand the financial, spiritual, physical, and emotional consequences?
A divorce brings CHANGE. This should not be taken lightly at any time. Is your spouse ready for this change?
Lastly, you should involve a third party mediator, counselor, therapist, or trusted church elder to help the two of you through this situation. Any one of these individuals can help put your situation into perspective and help shed light on deep rooted issues and/or concerns.
Click on the link to read more. http://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/how-to-save-my-marriage-when-my-spouse-wants-a-divorce
Here are a few things to try that can begin making a difference.
- Most people forget why they are in love and need to be reminded. Instead of trying to change your spouse's feelings, simply help them remember what it is they love about you.
- Figure out what it is that your spouse needs to be happy.
- Practice active listening--give your full attention when your spouse talks to you.
- Date your spouse. Take time and effort to do fun things together.
There are a lot of support groups and websites you can turn to for helpful advice when faced with a divorce. Don't be ashamed or afraid to fight for your relationship.
Here is a helpful website. www.divorcesupport.com